Secrets
by PhoenixBlaze5
Summary: Something I been writing when I find time. Berwald is having trouble with his relationship and Mathias is there as a form of comfort. Sorry bad summary.


It always ended like this. Mathias and I laying together, naked and basking in the afterglow. His hair is even more in disarray, if that's possible, and those clear blue eyes I've come to love are lightly closed. Even with the bliss that we shared, I still feel guilt in the pit of my stomach.

You see, this wouldn't be a problem, if I didn't already have a partner waiting for me at home. Not only that, but we have two kids together. So what am I doing in the bed of a bartender at our regular hang out? Well, it's not like I had planned for this to happen, especially since I couldn't stand him when we first met. Mathias just had something about him that I couldn't quit, like he was a drug. Looking back at everything, I guess he kind of is.

With my conscious eating away at me, I shuffle out of his bed and search for my clothes. A familiar pain shoots through my lower back, but I've grown so use to it that it doesn't bother me like it use to. "That time again?" I hear Mathias' voice break through the quiet of the apartment. I just let out a grunt in response. "You know that may be part of your relationship problems."

I pause just as I pull my pants up and turn my glare to him. "Maybe it's sleeping with our bartender." I say coldly, my accent mudding the words a little.

Mathias let out a light chuckle. "Maybe." He voice was like a soft breeze, as if he was actually considering it. I took a second to look back at him. He was laying on his back, gaze turned towards the celine. Turning back to grab my shirt, his next question caught me off guard. "How is your little family by the way?"

My body stopped for a fraction of a second before continuing with it's actions. "Fine. The boys are about to go on break and Tino was talking about planning some kind of trip." I replied, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I think he's trying to reassure the bays that everything is okay between us." My shoes seemed to be more and more interesting with each sentence.

I could feel Mathias shift. "It could be good for you two. Get away, spend time together, and remember why you chose one another." Turning my head, I saw him lean over his side table and grab a pack of cigarettes. "You think he suspects anything between us, cause I'd really like to not get caught up in all your drama." He remarked lighting up.

"Don't you think it's a little late for that?" I shot back.

He just shrugged and took a long drag. "I suppose you're right. Just keep it out of the bar. Don't want my boss firing me for have brought it upon him."

I shook my head. Tino wouldn't have noticed. He's been too busy ignoring me and throwing himself into his own work. I've noticed he's taken to going out more with his friends and when he is at home, he's attending to the boys. We've seemed to created two different lives within our family. I don't blame him. We've been together since the first year of high school and never had a chance to really live beyond that. Not saying I regret it, but like him, I think I've come to grow bored with the usual routine. I hate myself for it, but something in the back of my mind keep saying that Tino might be doing the same thing.

"I thought you had to go." Mathias drew me out of my thoughts and back to reality. "You just froze up." He said as he got up to put at least a pair of pajama pants on. "Anything you want to talk about?" He asked plopping back down next to me.

When he tried to put a hand on my shoulder, I retreated, almost in disgust. Not with him. No, I don't think it could ever be with him now, but with myself. "No." My voice seemed more horse and tired than before. "Goodnight." I muttered before heading out of his apartment and to my car. As soon as I slammed the door shut, I collapsed over my steering wheel. The exhaustion, both physical and mental, finally starting to take its toll. When I was finally able to compose myself, I made the all to familiar drive back to the house I shared with Tino.

On the outside, it looked like a perfect home, with the perfect yard and the perfect family. It was part of the façade we have both been living since we started to drift. Trailing myself up the walkway, I notice that I would soon have to cut the grass and maybe trim the tree that hung over the porch. Those were a fraction of my job as the "man" of the house, as Tino would bitterly state. When we were still in our "honeymoon stage", I would jokingly call him my wife and he would laugh and put up a weak resistance. Now, every like joke seemed like if was an undercover stab at each other. A way to hurt the other without alerting the kids.

All these thoughts flashed through my mind as I trudged up stairs to our shared room. Tino laid under the warm covers, his back to me. This was another thing I've come to be use to. It's his way of displaying the wall growing between us. I understand, and even though he doesn't seem to know about my weekly events, I feeling like this is a way of me being rightfully punished for it. Pulling off my clothes, for the second time that night, and cautiously getting in to bed clad only in my boxers and under shirt. Sleep came easy to me that night, to my surprise, allowing me a rare dreamless sleep.

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><p>The morning sun shining in my face through the open window awaked me. A chill blew through it, causing my body to shiver beneath the thin sheet. Instinctively, I reach behind me to feel for Tino, and like every morning, he wasn't there. Groggily, I put myself out of bed, take a shower; get dressed, and head down stairs to start my day of acting. At least until the boys leave.<p>

Everyone is already at the table, enjoying bowls of cereal and toast. As much as I care for Tino, his cooking was not one reason I fell for him. "Good to see you're finally out of bed." Tino commented, not looking up from the morning paper. It was more of a subtle taunt, but it was ignored since the real fight would happen later on.

Peter looked up for a second, but when back to his cereal. Bjon just flat out ignored our conversation. I take his lead and quietly went over to pour myself a cup of coffee. As soon as I sat down, both boys jolted up, threw their dishes in the sink, and left with a quick good-bye. This left Tino and I sitting in a tense silence, one that seems to follow us like a ominous shadow. Deciding to be the one to break it this time, I set down my mug and cleared my throat. "How'd you sleep?" I asked, staring at the paper that blocked my view of his face.

Folding the paper, Tino set in neatly on the table and looked me straight in the eyes. "I would have slept better if my husband was actually sleeping next to me. Where were you last night?" There it was the question that I dreaded. I must have taken too long to answer since he let out a sigh. "Fine. Don't tell me, but know I'm getting sick of it." He slid out his chair and stood up. "I didn't stay in this relationship to become ignored by you."

I wasn't going to take that. He was the one who started going out with his friends, staying out later and later, no call. Now I was being yelled at about doing the same thing? I could take all the words unsaid, but not being outwardly accused by a hypocrite. Slamming my hands on the table, I caused Tino to jump and let out a small yelp. "Who do you think you are to call me out o this? You're the one that started this! Now you don't like that I've given in and I'm playing by the rules you set out!" I pulled myself up to lean on the table. "You're going to make me out to be the total bad guy in this equation? No, I'll admit I'm not a saint in this relationship, but you have no right to throw stones at me and turn the boys against me!"

He stared at me, wide eyed and mouth hung open. "Are you trying to put this on me?" Tino yelled back after coming out of his initial shock. "The only reason I started going out was because you buried yourself in work! You made me feel alienated in my own house! I only had the boys to talk to and I just couldn't take it anymore!" I don't think I've ever heard his voice reach that level of anger. "I'm not even sure I wanted the kids, but I agreed because it made you so happy! So, why can't you be happy for me when I find something to enjoy?"

That was the last straw. I stood up and headed past the Finn. Storming to the front door, I grabbed my coat, knocking over the coat-rack in the process. "Where are you going now?" Tino called following after me into the cold. "You can't just run away from this!"

I held on to my rage as I got in my car and started it. He was still yelling for me, but I blocked it out with the radio as I pulled out of the driveway. There was only one place I felt like I could go and I was hoping he would be in.

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><p>Banging on the front door, I had been able to calm down on the ride, but I must have still seemed upset. Mathias opened it with a look of shock on his face. He shut it a bit as if he was trying to shield something. "Berwald? What are you doing here, especially at this hour?" It was around 1, but considering his late nights, I suppose it was an odd time. "Are you okay?" He finally asked seeing the distress in my eyes. Closing the door behind him, Mathias step out of the doorway.<p>

"I'm sorry." I mumbled. "I just didn't know where else to go at the time."

Mathias nodded. "Well, what happened? Did you have a fight with Tino or something?" He asked, hitting the nail on the head. I nodded and he let out a soft sigh. "Come in. I have somebody over, but I don't think he'll mind." Dragging me in to the living room, he motioned for me to sit in the worn out armchair across from a lean blond. "Lukas, this is Berwald. I hope you don't mind if he hangs around here for a bit."

Lukas raised a thin eyebrow, as he seemed to stare me down. "Not at all." Leaning back, he crossed his arms and continued to study me. "It'll be nice to finally get to know your toy." Mathias seemed to falter on his way back from the kitchen, and I shot a look at him.

"Not now Lukas!" Mathias yelled as he handed me a mug of hot coffee. Lukas just had a smug look on his face as he was also handed one. "Anyways, do you want to talk about what happed Berwald?" I just shook my head. Mathias' eyes shot to Lukas and then back to me, showing that he understood that I would talk when we were alone. "Anyways, Lukas and I were just about to get something from a nearby diner. Would you want to join us?" Taking one glance at his friend, I gave a slight nod. Even though Lukas made me a little nervous, it still felt good to know that Mathias wasn't just going to turn me away.

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><p><em><strong>AN: This is just something I was working on in my free time. Not sure if I'm going to write more to it or not, but I wanted to at least put this up. Thanks for reading and reviews are greatly accepted. :)**_


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